What A Baby Born Now Is Thinking About

Bad times now.

Worst than before?

Blue sky tomorrow?

Baby or no baby now?

Please my Queen, don’t read this post! Anyone informing my Queen about it will be dead meat 🙂

Here is the diary from a new born baby.

A baby born in the worst recession in a generation.

Thanks to Market Watch, here is the diary of this poor (lucky?) baby:

(sorry to put all the text, but it’s so goooooooooood!)

I’m not sure how being born at the end of what has come to be called the Great Recession will affect my life. I may be new around here, but I figure growing up today won’t be as easy as it might have been a generation ago.

At least that’s the feeling I get from Mommy and Daddy, who had plenty of scary money thoughts as they prepared for my entry into the world — not to mention the usual panic attacks about raising a kid that keep every parent awake (hey, that’s my job!) no matter what the economy is doing.

For starters, my inheritance has already taken a nosedive. Last week a house just like ours sold on my parents’ block for 80% of what they paid two years ago. Sheesh.

But times haven’t been too tough for me yet. I have a stockpile of blankets and onesies, and the milk keeps flowing. Plus, Mommy and Daddy still have their jobs.

And don’t think I’m a freeloader. Daddy says I provide daily opportunities for him and Mommy to grow as people as they build up "reservoirs" of patience. And Mommy says I give her about 100 chances a day to think about "opportunity costs." I’m not sure exactly what those things are, but they must be worth something.

Frankly, I’m pretty lucky to be around at all. I’ve heard, because Mommy told me, that a lot of women now are worried because the economy is so bad, so they aren’t having babies. In fact, back about 10 months ago, not so long after Barack won (I am also an Obama Boom Baby — ladies are still having lots of babies in D.C.) my father said that maybe he and Mommy should wait to have me until the recession ends.

Thankfully, my mother nixed that plan.

There’s always going to be some reason to delay, she said, and the sooner she had me, the easier it would be to get back in shape.

But Mommy wasn’t just thinking about fitting back into her size 6 jeans. She also said it makes sense to have a baby while she has a job with good benefits. And boy was she right. The hospital bill arrived this week, and our six-day stay cost $22,000 — that’s a lot of diapers! But because she’s insured, we owed the hospital less than $700.

Before I arrived the biggest worry for Mommy and Daddy — other than a night of tequila shots for Mommy before she knew I existed — was paying for my education. Personally, I think they should worry less — after all, if times get tough I could always model (yes, I am that cute).

But the ‘rents are thinking long-term and wondering if college is going to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Mommy asked her own Mommy and Daddy — they are both something called "economists" — to help her figure out how much we should save to send me to a top private school. The answer was pretty scary, worse than one of my poopy diapers.

Basically, Mommy realized that she’d never be able to buy a new dress, or bottle of wine, or really indulge any little whim ever if she tried to save enough to send me to someplace called Yale. So it looks like I am heading to "state school" in about 18 years. Sounds fine by me, but what do I know?

Mommy and Daddy have also been worried about who will look after me if something happens to them. I’m not sure why they are so worried — we’ll always be together! But they’ve been meeting with some lawyer guy, and trying to figure out who should be in charge of me and when I should be allowed to get a bunch of money in some trust. The lawyer guy isn’t cheap, but Mommy says some things are worth paying for to have them done right.

It’s been hard for Mommy to decide when to go back to work. She’s worried about losing her "edge," whatever that is. But she really didn’t have much choice about staying home (not that every day with me isn’t a blessing — I rock!). I’ll probably have to be at least a year old before they can leave me home alone (I kid, I kid).

Seriously, it takes so long to get into day care in Washington. Right now I am cooling my heels, on three waiting lists. Anyway, some lady said the average wait time to get into her day care was 18 months, and because my folks signed me up as soon as the doctor told them to expect me, I’ll hopefully grab my spot pretty soon.

Geez, why aren’t there more options for working parents? Why doesn’t Daddy get months and months of paternity leave? Why does everything have to be so hard?

Mommy has already decided to put her master’s degree in economics on hold because she’s just so busy these days. I think that may be one of those "opportunity costs" she talks about.

And she’s not sure when to go back to work and leave me in someone else’s care. If she goes back too soon, maybe I’ll turn into a drug-snorting, convenience store-robbing psycho. But if she doesn’t go back soon enough, maybe she’ll turn into a sweatpants-wearing, Days-of-Our-Lives viewing sludge.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a few weeks of being strung out on soap operas and comfy pants. But I know Mommy has worked hard for her career, and isn’t ready to quit.

To help keep her in the loop, Mommy is going to write for MarketWatch about me and our family and how we’re going to get by in this tough economy. She would’ve written today’s column, but I could tell she was nappy after we partied all night (well, I cried and she fed me). So I’m pinch-hitting to give her a break.

I had fun telling you about my start in life and I hope you’ll come back next week to hear more.

And now I’m getting sleepy, too, so I’m going to crash out. I had a long day of naps and feedings and fussiness, and I even slipped in a few smiles to show the ‘rents I really am worth all that work.

Best,

I love it 🙂

Hope you enjoyed it 😆

 

Mots clés Technorati : ,,,
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2 Responses

  1. makes you realize how different the world is going to be in the next 50 years…

  2. Right Davis 🙂

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